Thursday, January 24, 2008

Missing myself

Just recently a lady at church decided to send around a sign up sheet for whoever wanted to play basketball after the young women have their practices on Wednesdays. I of course signed up because I loved playing church basketball growing up and though I'm not the greatest, I always have lots of fun.

We had our first "practice" last night. Only 5 people showed up but it was so fun. I am actually sore today, mainly my butt and back. Also I jammed my left middle finger, have many new bruises on my legs and for some reason my toes hurt on my left foot. I don't know how, but I always seem to jam at least one finger when I play basketball. Maybe my fingers are too long or something, I don't know. It's not too bad actually, I've definitely had worse jammed fingers then this one. It's just a little sore and bruised (like the rest of me). I am so out of shape!!

I ran cross country and track pretty much my whole life, from fourth grade through my senior year in high school, and I was really good at that. Plus, in high school, I always took a weight training class to get in even better shape, it also helped me not be so skinny and instead become thin and toned. I like being in shape and I miss it.

A lot of people are surprised (or don't even know) how competitive runners are and how hard it is to be a really good runner. It's a good thing too that I liked and was good at running because I only liked to play other sports for fun. I didn't realize how much I missed playing basketball though, or any sport for that matter. I may not be really good at anything (but running), but I'm pretty good at most sports I play when playing for fun. I even used to be pretty good at football when I played in my gym classes in high school. Anyways, we all had so much fun last night that even though the practice was supposed to be over at 7:00 we all stayed till about 7:30ish. We kept saying "okay 5 more minutes then I need to go" "okay seriously, 5 more minutes" and then kept playing and playing.

I loved playing church ball back in high school. It didn't hurt either that my ward won probably 95-99% of all our games. But it was fun, it was exercise and it was being with my friends and I realized last night that I REALLY missed that. I miss working out period. I know most people say they need to get in shape and I'm one of them, but I truly miss just being a physical person. I love competition, running, sports, and being active. Last night made me miss my old self.

I rarely even get to watch sports on TV, though I think I'm bad luck when I do. The past few years when I actually get to watch a game, football or basketball, the team I'm rooting for loses. ALL THE TIME!!! I was so happy that the Packers might make it to the Super Bowl this year so I made sure to watch the championship game against the Giants this past Sunday. Well, guess what, they lost. I really think it's better luck if I just don't watch them or any team that I like anymore.

Anyways, I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel this way either. I miss being my own person without my kids or my husband, not that I don't love them cos of course I do. I just miss being Daisy. I am in a book club now that actually makes sure they meet regularly and I love it. I love reading and having other people to talk about the book with, even though we definitely talk about a lot of other stuff during our meetings as well. Both my parents like to read like me so up until being in a book club, I have had only them to talk about books with, which is why I wish my brothers and sisters would read more (HINT HINT). A few months ago, I let my dad borrow all my Harry Potter books and he read them all and we would talk about them, it was great. Every time I read my favorite book of all time, Shadow of the Moon, I always talk about it again and again with my mom (I read it at least once a year-usually more). I always have to have something to read or I feel kinda lost or like I've forgotten something.

I love being physically active. I love artsy things like photography, painting, sewing and even silly crafts. I think times like these are the only times where I miss being in high school (yuck, I know but....). I had time to do my own thing and no (or almost no) responsibilities. I know I can't be the only one to feel this way, but sometimes I feel guilty for feeling that way which is silly. Just because someone becomes a wife and mother doesn't mean that they don't get some "ME" time anymore and I am determined to find as much me time as I can!!


Jessica said...

I have been feeling the exact same way lately...where did I disappear to? I feel like I just exsist, but what is my purpose...

I too signed up for Church basketball...yeehaww! I can't wait. I'm mainly doing it for the exercise...our ward sucks and we always loose, totally not what I'm used to right??!

Keep doing those little things that make you feel good.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

I am glad you are in the book club and in basketball now. It's nice to have a hubby and family that can watch the kids on those rare occasions you have you time. I hope you find more things that get you out there and being DAISY!

Have you read the Twilight series? Did I already ask you that three times?

Anonymous said...

You don't know me. My name is Teresa. My boyfriend has been telling me lately that he 'misses himself' and I wasn't really sure what he meant. So I Googled the phrase and several people's blogs from all over the world came up which included people 'missing myself'. I used to be Mormon. (I'm guessing that you are). Returned missionary married a returned missionary. Sealed in the Oakland Temple. Three kids. Then one day my husband didn't come home from work. He had a whole other life he has set up and was leading while I was raising our children and putting him through college. KEEP YOURSELF. It's thard, at 45, to be raising three children alone, trying to put myself through college and have some kind of social life. Remember who you are and love yourself first or you will have nothing left to give. Teresa